Air Force Maintenance Complaints

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: #1, #3, #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in the cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "The problem logged by the pilot."
Solution: "The solution and action taken by the engineers."

Problem: "Suspected crack in windscreen."
Solution: "Suspect you're right."

Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
Solution: "Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious."

Problem: "Target radar hums."
Solution: "Reprogrammed target radar with words."

Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
Solution: "Cat installed"

Problem: Pounding behind intrument panel.
Solution: Found midget with hammer. Took hammer away and told midget to be quiet.

Problem: Flir (Forward Looking Infra-red) not operational.
Solution: Found the On Full Force(OFF)switch in the On Full Force position. Flir will not work in that mode

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